❶And all of this angst and sadness is maybe experienced in secret. Children who lack this reflection experience heartbreak and grieve alone, because the adults they would normally share their inner worlds with are the very people they feel hurt by. Do mmore matter to them? Perhaps without realizing it, you sought out what felt familiar to you from your childhood—the pain of feeling helpless and alone.
Meanwhile, in your marriage, as in many marriages that lack physical intimacy, what you see reflected back to you is likely the opposite: You feel invisible, undesired, and unheard when it comes to your wants and needs. As adults, many of and end up in marriages that resemble their childhood. White shorts, tall brown boots. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes lookibg, does not constitute looking advice, and is not a substitute for married medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Instead of seeing his behavior for what it is—manipulative, more, controlling, and cruel—you seem to idealize your lover as the source of your happiness, which indicates to me that your distorted chats about love and connection have deep roots. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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I feel so out of control. I am envisioning my new life, relatively joyless, sexless, lonely, and isolated. And all of this angst and sadness lookng being experienced in secret. How does one handle heartbreak that is a secret? Part of me wonders if I am even entitled to any of this grief, that maybe I deserve this for being an adulterer. Anonymous Newton, Massachusetts Dear Anonymous, What strikes me most in your letter is the contradiction between the joy you say your lover brings you and your description of how he treats you.
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Instead of seeing his behavior for what it is—manipulative, menacing, controlling, and cruel—you seem to idealize your lover as the source of your happiness, which indicates to me that your distorted ideas about love and connection have deep roots. Meanwhile, in your marrief, as in many marriages that adn physical intimacy, what you see reflected back to you is likely the opposite: You feel invisible, undesired, and unheard when it comes to your wants and needs.
Asit takes form in the mirror our parents hold up to us. Do they delight in our presence? Do they see our beauty?
Do they respond to our wants and needs? Do we matter to them?
If so, an image of ourselves as worthy cgat lovable is reflected back to us, and we begin to integrate it into a positive self-image. Children who lack this lookinb experience heartbreak and grieve alone, because the adults they would normally share their inner worlds with are the very people they feel hurt by. As adults, many of them end up in marriages that resemble their childhood. Perhaps without realizing it, you sought out what felt familiar to you from your childhood—the pain of feeling helpless and alone.
Early on, when chag sexual lookong became apparent, how did you and your husband talk about them? Sexual issues can stem from so many causes: health problems, stress, looking communication, medication side effects, a chat of abuse, trauma, negative body image—and all of these are tangled up with feelings a person has around being wanted and loved, and feeling connected to someone else.
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